The morning glow birds chirping

I am alive looking at my writing

the way I write or print putting pen to paper

the nice flow of the pen not all pens flow their ink is blocked not so useful

with these flowing pens I can write with the flow

my writing flows from the inner part of me

it flows it goes beyond my normal conversation voice

it is the inner voice expressing things without the censor then it flows

with the censor until that goes who am I writing for

first for me it is my voice

the voice of the inner child the one who was not always heard or believed

the child who questioned and tried to make sense of the world

their world their families and people friends

the outside world in which they lived

the inner world of wonder and mystery the likes of which were not often spoken about

the spiritual journey the inner spiritual experience

knowing it is there but there’s a disconnect between the inner and outer life

there’s the suburban urban city European life

this is the one which expresses itself in various borders

walls fences boxes lines rules fears division conflict class systems intelligence rational thinking

there’s the industrial rural connection

the manufacturing aesthetics convenience consumerism liberalism various parties ideologies

religious institutions atheistic arguments politics

the line between convention and free thinking appears then disappears

we are taught how to think freely yet those thoughts turn into questions

personal experience of trauma pain poverty complex families fatherless children mothers forced to parent in an isolated setting

male female both beautiful how does on express the beauty within when most of our focus is on the outward person

how have we evolved as a species to create who we are and the world we live in

beauty can be seen in the everyday even in something broken

how can a broken thing we viewed as beautiful and meaningful

why do we view things as good or bad

when the rains come and flood the garden I want the rain to flood the land where there is drought

Am I able to be God and bring rain to the desert

The desert is in me

The desert in me is where I feel dry spiritually and physically; emotional and mental dryness

Desert in all its fullness there no weed grows no green thing survives all appears dead

creativity purpose life joy desire fun spirit me

where am I where have I gone

I have gone to the desert the desert has claimed me

I have retreated to a dry place it feels like I am here in the desert along

I am here off the track of life no one looks for me here

In the desert I explore the past it is dark usually like the light is off limits

I do not have permission to be happy free me and I am limited by my capacity to let go and allow the spirit to emerge have a voice be listened to and to take my place in the world

I must wait be polite and not stir things up

there is a sound within the pain and darkness the seemingly endless void of mental clutter and purposeless wandering

there is a way back to the light to the me who God ordained from the very beginning when he created me

having been created I now sit at the dawn of creation on my knees bowed down in awe and wonder and worship

I don’t care that I am in the desert the desert is okay

the desert speaks to me about dryness the vast expanse of emptiness within

not having the answers yet and feeling alone and separate as one embarks

on a solo journey within away from the convenience of modern life

to seek one’s soul and to find peace and purpose when there are no answers

life exists in the desert of the soul the life is hidden and does emerge from

beneath the emptiness and darkness of the interior surface

to deny myself the desert experience is to deny myself the meaning of being human of sharing human-kinds evolution through history and the making of moments of meaning

the risk is to lose these moments and abandon the inner life altogether

the loss of the desert means we never appreciate the mountains or rivers forests or coastlines

the changing environments of our lives help us to appreciate others

to understand them that they too face the desert in their own time

there is no way to avoid the desert and come out whole

there is value in the process of finding ourselves in the desert

we go beyond the superficial distracted busy life the one we present to the other and we introduce the one who has emerged from the desert as a long-lost friend

our friend is someone we all want to know and hang out with

no trimmings no hang ups they fit in their own skin

they are unique they don’t fit in