The morning glow birds chirping
I am alive looking at my writing
the way I write or print putting pen to paper
the nice flow of the pen not all pens flow their ink is blocked not so useful
with these flowing pens I can write with the flow
my writing flows from the inner part of me
it flows it goes beyond my normal conversation voice
it is the inner voice expressing things without the censor then it flows
with the censor until that goes who am I writing for
first for me it is my voice
the voice of the inner child the one who was not always heard or believed
the child who questioned and tried to make sense of the world
their world their families and people friends
the outside world in which they lived
the inner world of wonder and mystery the likes of which were not often spoken about
the spiritual journey the inner spiritual experience
knowing it is there but there’s a disconnect between the inner and outer life
there’s the suburban urban city European life
this is the one which expresses itself in various borders
walls fences boxes lines rules fears division conflict class systems intelligence rational thinking
there’s the industrial rural connection
the manufacturing aesthetics convenience consumerism liberalism various parties ideologies
religious institutions atheistic arguments politics
the line between convention and free thinking appears then disappears
we are taught how to think freely yet those thoughts turn into questions
personal experience of trauma pain poverty complex families fatherless children mothers forced to parent in an isolated setting
male female both beautiful how does on express the beauty within when most of our focus is on the outward person
how have we evolved as a species to create who we are and the world we live in
beauty can be seen in the everyday even in something broken
how can a broken thing we viewed as beautiful and meaningful
why do we view things as good or bad
when the rains come and flood the garden I want the rain to flood the land where there is drought
Am I able to be God and bring rain to the desert
The desert is in me
The desert in me is where I feel dry spiritually and physically; emotional and mental dryness
Desert in all its fullness there no weed grows no green thing survives all appears dead
creativity purpose life joy desire fun spirit me
where am I where have I gone
I have gone to the desert the desert has claimed me
I have retreated to a dry place it feels like I am here in the desert along
I am here off the track of life no one looks for me here
In the desert I explore the past it is dark usually like the light is off limits
I do not have permission to be happy free me and I am limited by my capacity to let go and allow the spirit to emerge have a voice be listened to and to take my place in the world
I must wait be polite and not stir things up
there is a sound within the pain and darkness the seemingly endless void of mental clutter and purposeless wandering
there is a way back to the light to the me who God ordained from the very beginning when he created me
having been created I now sit at the dawn of creation on my knees bowed down in awe and wonder and worship
I don’t care that I am in the desert the desert is okay
the desert speaks to me about dryness the vast expanse of emptiness within
not having the answers yet and feeling alone and separate as one embarks
on a solo journey within away from the convenience of modern life
to seek one’s soul and to find peace and purpose when there are no answers
life exists in the desert of the soul the life is hidden and does emerge from
beneath the emptiness and darkness of the interior surface
to deny myself the desert experience is to deny myself the meaning of being human of sharing human-kinds evolution through history and the making of moments of meaning
the risk is to lose these moments and abandon the inner life altogether
the loss of the desert means we never appreciate the mountains or rivers forests or coastlines
the changing environments of our lives help us to appreciate others
to understand them that they too face the desert in their own time
there is no way to avoid the desert and come out whole
there is value in the process of finding ourselves in the desert
we go beyond the superficial distracted busy life the one we present to the other and we introduce the one who has emerged from the desert as a long-lost friend
our friend is someone we all want to know and hang out with
no trimmings no hang ups they fit in their own skin
they are unique they don’t fit in